Falling to Pieces
by nightrobin2424
Summary: A reflection on losing her. Sandle. Angsty Grissom.


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or the song "Better than Me" by Hinder

Falling to Pieces

He watched them constantly these days, watched how close they had become in the months since he lost her. He often wondered what he did wrong; he thought they were good, coming together after years of longing in the wake of a friend's pain. He never imagined what a sensual woman Sara Sidle could be, and he was finally content and breaking out of the work shell he had encased himself into. She was the breath of fresh air he needed and he was grateful for her. Then just a week ago his world had fallen apart.

_**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe   
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you**_

Flashback

_Grissom watched as Sara stood in front of wrapped in that beige silk robe he loved so much, biting her lip afraid to speak._

_"What is it Sara?"_

_"I think maybe things aren't well."_

_"Things?"_

_"Us things Grissom."_

_"I thought this was what you wanted Sara, what you both wanted."_

_"I'm not sure what I want anymore Grissom?"_

_"We have a good thing here Sara don't throw it away yet."_

_"I can't be fair to you Grissom if my heart isn't in it."_

_"What changed?"_

_"I did." She whispered softly. _

_"Please don't go Sara, I want to try."_

_"I can't."_

End

Her words still haunt him every time he closes his eyes he can still see her eyes filled with unshed tears as she says goodbye. He keeps trying not to seek her out at work, he tries to remain a constant professional and he was doing good until he saw that glorious smile of hers not directed at him.

_**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

"They can't see you so hiding is worthless."

"I'm not hiding."

"Even if you were it would not matter all they can see is each other."

"You don't think it's like that do you Catherine?"

"You are a great observer Grissom, what do you see?" He did not answer her right away, just watched their interaction. He watched as Sara would lean in closer to Greg as she spoke, Greg would touch her hand every so often earning a warm smile. It made his heartache, but it was written so plain on their faces, something he never wanted to admit.

"I see nothing." But Catherine had known Grissom long enough to know he was lying protecting himself from the truth.

The images kept plaguing him even when he was not at work, he still saw them, could not seem to let it go. He barely slept because her scent still lingered everywhere in his room; he still felt her presence every time he lay on his bed. He often wondered where it wrong, how he lost Sara so quickly, and how Greg finally managed to win her over. Where did he go wrong? He had suppressed his desires for so long and the night she showed up on his doorstep after Brass got shot he knew he was finally ready to let her in. The first two months were glorious, waking up next to her smelling her hair and breathing her in. Now he woke up to musty sheets and his pet tarantula that sat on his dresser. Now she was probably with Greg and it drove him crazy, he had her first. Greg certainly could not be it, he was not her one. He would fight now because he wouldn't lose her, not on his life.

**_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you_**

"Grissom? What are you doing here?"

"I can't take this Sara, can't you see I am in love with you."

"Oh Grissom." Her eyes softened and for a second he thought he had her. "I wish this were easier." She sighed. It was then he it sparkling on her left finger, taunting him.

"I see." He said his eyes still on that ring. "I didn't realize it was that serious."

"I love him Griss."

"I understand." Only he did not understand what had she seen in Greg that she did not see in him? "Can I ask you one question?"

"Yes."

"Are you happy?"

"Deliriously." She did not hesitate once and Grissom knew that he had finally lost her.

"Then that's all I ever wanted." He whispered.

"Sara? Who was it?"

"Don't worry Greg I will be right there."

"Ok." She then turned back to Grissom who at that moment looked years older.

"You better go."

"I know, goodbye Sara."

"Goodbye Grissom." As he made his way out of her sight he could see Greg come to the door, Sara instantly smiled and Grissom got it, she would never really be his. Two days later, the invitation came in his mail.

He stood in the very back of the church not wanting to be noticed, wanting to be in the shadows. She was breath taking and Grissom still longed for the day when she would wake up and realize Greg was not the one. He knew that was only a dream because he could see the way she was looking at Greg, the way they were looking at each other as they said "I do" it was the real thing. It was all over now and he wished them well, but he could not stop his heart from breaking as he walked out of the church trying not to think about her. He doubted though he would never forget and that was the worst part of all, remembering.

_**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**_

**THE END**


End file.
